The Perfect One

(Bernice Angoh)

So many of us walk around looking for the perfect one, where O where could he be?

Did we pass him by in the streets and did not realize it? Could he be in the Mall or maybe at the famous clubs? Where is the perfect one? In a church? next door? In the park walking his little puppy? Sitting next to me in the bus? Questions and more questions but never any answers. Frustration builds, resentment resurfaces and self-loathing begins. There must be something wrong with me then! Everyone I meet just seems to vanish. They say "I'll call you" but then they never do. I am not worthy. Let's see, maybe it's my breast, they are not big enough or maybe he thinks they are grotesque because they are 'DDs'. My nose! That witches nose, it's no where near Cameron Diaz's and my lips are not as thick and lush as Angelina Jolie's. No, that's not it, I am just too fat, no matter how much I exercise, I can never be like Calista Flokhart.

The perfect one does not exist and even when you do find the one you think is 'The Perfect One', you will soon see all his shortcomings and then he becomes the 'not so perfect one anymore'. Too many women sell themselves short when they choose their dates. A woman, who has not dated for a while, may get so super exited that someone even comes to talk to them or asks them out. "Oh my Gosh, the way he said it, no one has ever said it like that" She would say.

"What? What did he say, how did he say it?" asks the friend

"You are very beautiful" she would gush. "Wao!"

Yes, wao! That a guy whom you thought was a loser has now charmed you by telling you something you already know?

I guess what I'm trying to say is the perfect one is inside of you. The perfect one is who you choose to be or become. Instead of spending all that time looking for him, work more on yourself and you will attract what you become. Don't rush into a relationship because you're tired of being lonely. Get into a relationship because you found a great person like yourself, who wants to grow and realizes that they are the other part of that 100%-100% circle and not 50%-50%.

To start becoming the perfect one, you must be willing to sincerely look into your heart and accept responsibility. It is amazing that when one does that "truly taking responsibility" something magical happens. You stop making excuses and blaming other people and start realizing that you are the captain of your own ship and you define and create your destiny.

I am amazed about the number of people who don't read good books. They would rather escape into the land of fantasy than face reality by taking ownership of their lives and future. Reading is one of the greatest and most important tools you can ever use on your journey of self-discovery.

When you spend half of your time focusing on things outside of yourself, you are looking outward and not inward, only when you step outside and like another person, look at yourself; you will find the things you need to work on that will help you not seem so desperate. Men hate or are scared to death of desperate women. A desperate woman is quick to jump into relationships, she is resentful, excessively jealous, possessive and over controlling. If you sound like the description, you are selling yourself short. No matter how you try to hide it, it will show and people will 'see' it from across town. Be confident in yourself, realize that you are worth more than pearls and that any man who is up to par, will respect your space, your body and your mind and if he chooses not to, you don't hesitate to show him the door.

Women today need to have more self confidence and realize that beauty comes from within, being the most beautiful woman in town and having no character and class is like a broken piece of glass that looks like a diamond. People will be attracted to its light and they will see as the get closer that the light fades and that if they are not careful, that piece of glass will hurt them instead of shining along side them...

Knowing yourself will help you in so many ways;

1) You know who you are and no one's opinion of you can change your self-image

2) You will know the kind of person you want by your side

3) You will never settle for less than you are

4) You will ask for the respect you deserve or nothing otherwise

5) You will stay away from the things and people who bring you down

6) You know not be in a hurry, a great person is worth the wait

7) You will understand others a lot better and it makes you a better judge of character.

8) You will have confidence, love and respect for yourself and your body

9) You will focus more on things that make you a better person

10)You will make decision and so when Mr. Right comes by..

Some great books I will recommend are:

"Fight like a girl" by Lisa Bevere
"Big girls don't whine" by Jan Silvious
"In the Meantime" by Iyanla Vanzant
"As a man thinketh" by James Allen
"The five love languages" by Gary Chapman

The perfect one is not right around the corner, not waiting in a church, or in the park. He is not in the best clubs. The perfect one is inside of you waiting for you to become the complete person 'he' wants to be a part of.

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